Coaching Your Valentine: Tips for Navigating Pre-Existing Relationships

For many coaches, especially those just starting out, working with loved ones is a natural first step. However, coaching someone you have a personal relationship with can be tricky. It is essential to approach the situation with care and consideration. In the spirit of the approaching holiday, we will dive into three key tips for successfully coaching your Valentine or any other close relationships.

Keep the Coaching Scope Clearly Defined

When coaching someone you know well, like a spouse or family member, it is crucial to start with a clear, limited scope. For instance, if you are asked to help your significant other with their squat technique or some other specific skill, limit your feedback to this area.

Avoid turning it into an open-ended ongoing professional relationship. Set the expectation at a few sessions. If they are enjoying themselves and benefiting from your feedback, they can ask to extend. This reduces the chance of overwhelming them or overstepping boundaries.

Check Your Coaching Voice

One challenge when coaching someone you already have a personal relationship with is adjusting your “coaching voice.” As a coach, you may be used to adopting a certain authoritative or professional tone when working with clients. However, the shift in dynamics can feel awkward if they are more familiar with the version of you outside the gym.

It can help to set a more casual tone for these sessions. Try to make it feel like a collaborative activity, more like a favor for a colleague than an intense coaching session with a rank beginner.

Take this opportunity to reflect on your coaching persona. If your spouse or friend teases you for your “coaching voice,” use it as a learning experience. You may want to shift toward a more natural, relaxed tone. Being yourself—rather than trying to perform as a coach—can make a huge difference in how the person receives your feedback and guidance. Additionally, it helps you become more comfortable when coaching anyone, including clients.

Evaluate the Risk to the Relationship

One of the most significant considerations when coaching a loved one is the potential risk to your relationship. Coaching can bring up feelings of frustration or resentment if things do not go smoothly. If you are overly authoritative or push too hard on accountability, you could damage your personal bond.

It is important to monitor the relationship outside the coaching environment. If you notice any tension creeping into your day-to-day interactions, it may be time to reassess whether coaching is the best choice. This is a balancing act—it is about maintaining respect for the existing relationship while offering support for their goals.

If the coaching sessions are not a good fit, don’t be afraid to step back. Do you know of a colleague in the area who could coach them instead? This could salvage the situation or avoid the potential risks from the start. Either way, be honest and realistic to keep the situation from getting out of hand.

Remember, not everyone shares the same passion or goals for fitness, so it is important to step back and ask what matters most to the other person. We often want to share our expertise with the people we care about, but it is essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. With the right balance, coaching your Valentine—or anyone in your personal circle—can be a rewarding experience for both of you.