Conquering Picky Eating and Feeding the Family with Confidence

By: Nikki Burman, BLOC Exclusive Coach, Director of Client Experience, PBC

Maybe it is because my husband’s deployment was on my mind, but sometimes, getting your kids to eat well feels like you are enlisting troops for the ultimate mealtime mission. As a mom of four under five years old, trust me, I get it—but it does not have to feel like that. My goal is to take some of that stress off your shoulders and help change your perspective: it is not about winning the mealtime battle. It is about building a lifelong love of food.

One of the most common questions I hear is, “How can I get my kid to try new foods? They will only eat ____!” I know that feeling of mom guilt: worrying that your child is not getting the nutrition they need to thrive. The fact that you care enough to be reading about this is already a huge first step, and I applaud you for it! Family nutrition is essential, not just for growing strong bodies, but because healthy, colorful eating can influence how kids learn, their energy levels, and their ability to make smart choices later in life.

Every toddler will become a selective eater at some point, even with familiar foods they have eaten a bazillion times — it is normal and developmentally appropriate. How you respond to those situations is what matters. Some kids will still be picky no matter what you do, and that’s okay! You can still support and guide them as they grow. The chances of this just being a phase versus a lifelong battle with picky eating are highly dependent on how you handle it now. If you are already deep in the trenches, don’t worry. (I know it is easier said than done.) Change will not happen overnight, but with some patience, positivity, and a little strategy, you will see progress. I am here to reassure you: you’ve got this, Commander.

Starting Solids: The First Step in Winning Over Tiny Tastebuds

Before we jump into toddler strategies, let’s rewind a little. I want to quickly touch on what I recommend starting from six months old (or whenever your baby can sit up independently and is showing interest). Here is a quick overview of why baby-led weaning (BLW) is such a game-changer. When I became a mom, I knew nothing about introducing solids. Like a lot of parents, I heard all the classic advice: give them baby cereal from a bottle, start with purees, and so on. (Spoiler: We have switched pediatricians a few times.) True to my personality, I dove headfirst into the research and even took a class on what to do with my first. What I learned completely changed my approach. I had so much fun watching my kids learn and explore food that I eventually took a professional course on introducing solids so I could help other busy moms feel confident, too. BLW built the foundation for a healthy, positive relationship with food.

Why Baby-Led Weaning (BLW) Matters

BLW invites babies to explore real foods that are full of flavor and textures right from the start. It teaches life skills early on: how to move food around their mouth and how to spit out pieces they are not ready for. And it helps develop their chewing reflexes. It also encourages self-regulation of appetite, promotes fine motor skills and coordination, supports oral and speech development, and simplifies meal time prep because they can eat what you eat.

Fun fact: Purees are actually one of the hardest textures for babies’ brains to handle. Purees spread all over the tongue and don’t trigger a strong chewing reflex — meaning babies are left trying to suck it down.

By offering real textures and resistive foods early on, babies learn to map their mouths better. Even spitting is good. It is their body saying, “I’m not ready for that piece yet!” (It is also excellent practice for safely spitting out non-food objects later on, like a marble.) Babies learn by watching, so sit them at the table before they are ready for solid foods. They have more safety mechanisms between six and nine months because of their gag reflex, so this is prime time. Let them dive in (literally). Embrace the mess and keep it fun!

Studies have shown that babies exposed to a variety of flavors, colors, and textures early are more likely to accept colorful, flavorful foods as toddlers and older kids. On the flip side, diets of bland, textureless foods often lead to greater pickiness and vegetable refusal later. Foods like asparagus, broccoli, and squash do not just nourish your baby. They teach their brain how to manage different foods. When babies pick up foods themselves, it sends a clear signal to their brain: “Food is coming!” versus food being placed directly into their mouths.

But What About Choking?

I get it. Choking is the biggest fear I hear from parents starting solids. Here is what you need to know:

• True choking is rare, especially with properly prepared foods. In fact, choking on food represents less than 1% of deaths under the age of four.
• Babies are more likely to choke on non-food items around the house than food itself.
• Gagging is normal and very different from choking. Gagging is how babies learn to manage food safely and is part of their oral motor skills development. They probably gag less with BLW than purees.

Top Risks for Choking:

1. A caregiver putting food directly into the baby’s mouth because their brain does not receive the heads-up.
2. Moving while eating (crawling, walking, running).
3. Laughing or being startled while eating.
4. Distractions like TV during meals.
5. Eating in a reclined position. Ensure proper seating and high chair set up.
6. Not preparing food properly for their age.
7. Offering small, round, slippery, or hard foods without modification.

The best resource I recommend is Solid Starts. It’s an amazing app and website for safe feeding guidance. It will show you how to prepare the foods and even has videos of babies at that age eating them.

Quick Science: Why Bigger Pieces Are Safer

There are two tubes in the throat, one for breathing and one for swallowing. The breathing tube is about the size of a straw. Food has to be small enough to lodge itself in that hole to cause true choking. Big pieces of food actually give the brain better signals. Biting triggers the brain to activate the muscles used for chewing. A big piece gives the mouth a ton of feedback so the baby can more easily feel where it is and manipulate it. Let your baby touch and play with their food! This helps their brain make “predictive processing” decisions on how to handle the food safely. Stay calm, trust your baby’s instincts, and remember that gagging is normal. If they gag, do not pat their back. Simply model sticking out your tongue, holding out your hand, and show them how to spit.

Understanding Toddler Behavior at Mealtimes

That baby who used to dive into food suddenly says “no” or signs “all done,” even for foods they loved yesterday. Frustrating? Absolutely. Normal? 100%.

Refusals are developmentally appropriate. Toddlers are discovering autonomy, testing limits, and learning to tune into their bodies’ hunger and fullness signals. Your role is not to control their eating but to guide the environment with love and consistency. Toddlers thrive on boundaries, and feeling safe enough to express emotions (even big, messy ones) is a good sign of a secure attachment.

Example Responses:

• If your toddler demands a different food:
  • “Man, you really want ice cream. Ice cream isn’t on the menu today. Tonight’s choices are chicken, rice, and asparagus. You don’t have to eat if you’re not hungry.” (Acknowledge their feelings and give them their options).
• If they refuse the meal:
  • “You never have to eat anything you don’t want to, but this is what’s for dinner tonight. I wonder if there is anything we could do to make the meal more exciting?”

To paint the picture: You spent time making this amazing meal, one you are genuinely excited about because you know they will love it, and they refuse to even touch it. You want to scream because it is so frustrating! You just want to say, “Dude, just take one bite! I know you will love it! Will you please just try it?” Don’t do it.

Instead, begin to familiarize yourself with setting loving boundaries around the things you can control: what is served, where it is served, when it is served, and your attitude at the table. The kids can sense any tension. Being okay with the outcome of the meal can help you relax. Toddlers thrive on consistent boundaries, but be ready: this often leads to lots of big emotions at first, and that is okay. Let them feel safe expressing those emotions. Bottling it up only leads to bigger explosions later. Dinner time is the roughest part of the day: everyone is tired, patience is thin, and meltdowns are more likely. Remember: when your toddler melts down at the dinner table, it is rarely about the broccoli on their plate. It is about releasing all the pent-up emotions from their day. Stay calm. Stay consistent.

Tactical Strategies for Mealtimes

Sometimes, toddlers or older kids can start to associate the table with stress. Here are some creative ways to make eating fun again:

Switch up the setting: Try having a picnic in a different room or outside for a fresh take on the usual dinner routine. Build a cozy fort and eat inside. Toddlers absolutely love it. Our favorite is simple: If I am making a meal that I know my selective eater might hesitate to try, we turn it into a “living room picnic,” and suddenly, he is much more excited to dig in. A simple change of scenery can work wonders.

Make the food fun: Playful designs can make a big difference. Try serving meals with silly utensils like a measuring spoon or in a giant bowl. Have fun with how you display the food. Use cookie cutters for fun shapes, create little themes, or get creative with the way the food is presented. (Pinterest and social media are full of fun ideas if you need inspiration!) You can also offer the same food in two different ways: maybe sliced avocado with chia seeds and avocado on toast, which gives your little one choices and boosts the chances they will want to interact with it.

Get them involved: Let your toddler help pick out foods at the store and recruit them as your little Sous Chef in the kitchen. Using a Kitchen Tower and kid cooking utensils can let them help safely, and they will often want to try foods as they prepare them!

Stay firm with the meal: If they do not want the meal, do not go back to the kitchen to make something else. Once you do that, you start walking down a slippery slope.

Smoothies can help, but cautiously: Smoothies are great for adding extra nutrition, but do not completely rely on them for veggies. You want your toddler to learn to like vegetables, not to be tricked into eating them.

Toys and screens: Toys go to sleep during meals. If they are not eating, they can quietly read in the living room—but no running off to play. Toddlers are less likely to leave the table. Keep screens off during meals. Meals are a time for connection and modeling healthy eating. Screens can be distracting and also increase the risk of choking.

Model, model, model: Eat the same thing they are eating. Kids learn by watching you! You do not have to cook separate meals — that is exhausting and unnecessary. Lead by example. Sometimes, I eat the meal earlier in the day while they are playing, and then they come over and want a bite. Bam, they now know they like it going into dinner.

Make it fun: Ask playful questions:

• • “I wonder how crunchy this pepper is?”
  • “Who can make the biggest crunch?”
  • “I wonder how many beans you can find in your chili?”
  • “I wonder how many peas are in this one!” (snap pea)
  • “Can you find the yellow center?” (hard-boiled egg)

If they refuse the meal: If your toddler is hesitant, try asking, “Is there something we could do to make this meal more exciting?” Sometimes, they will ask for a topping or a little condiment, and that is a win! Trust that if they are hungry, they will eat, and they will learn that holding out for endless snacks is not an option (because you have been consistent with that boundary). If they are struggling, offer to have them sit on your lap for a few minutes. Sometimes, they just need a little extra connection. As they watch you enjoy the meal, their curiosity might kick in. Before you know it, they will be reaching for a bite (and maybe even heading back to their own plate!)

Any interaction is progress: Touching, smelling, or even picking at a food counts as a win. Serve new foods alongside “safe” favorites so that it feels more welcoming. They do not have to eat the new item. Exposure matters. If possible, let them peel it, like an orange or hard-boiled egg.

Persistence without pressure: Continue serving foods that are important to your family. It often takes 10–15 exposures before a toddler accepts a new food. If you stop serving it, they can’t learn to like it. Stay patient and consistent! (Do you see a common theme?)

Flavor boldly: Your child may react strongly to a new flavor, but it is just a new experience for them. It does not mean they do not like it or will not learn to like it. Season the way you like it, not how you think the baby or toddler will like it.

No forcing, no bribing: Never say, “Just take five more bites,” or “If you try this, you will get dessert.” Pressure creates anxiety and long-term food issues.

Structure and snack time matter: One of the most important habits to establish early on is predictable meal and snack schedules so kids are not grazing all day. Having set times helps them come to the table actually hungry and ready to eat. Snack time, in particular, is a golden opportunity to offer veggies. There is usually a lot less pressure than at mealtimes!

A normal snack time for my kids is while I am prepping dinner. I know they are going to ask for bites, so I like to put out sliced peppers, cucumbers, or whatever fresh produce I have handy. (Bonus: They love grabbing bites when it feels casual and “not a big deal.”)

For snack times, focus on fresh produce, when you can, instead of reaching for pantry snacks. Every little bit adds up. Snack time is not just about filling little bellies. It is a chance to build their confidence and curiosity around healthy, delicious foods.

Charcuterie boards: Offering a variety of colorful foods on a fun board lets toddlers make their own choices, and that takes away the pressure when trying new foods. You can get as creative as you want or keep it super simple. Family-style meals are another great option, where everyone gets to serve themselves. Or try something like “build your own” chili bowls. Toddlers love scooping out their favorites and feeling like they are in charge.

Not hungry? You can offer to pack up their meal and re-serve it in thirty minutes if your schedule allows.

Handling dessert: If you serve dessert, serve it with the meal or as a planned snack earlier in the day. Avoid using it as a reward (“Eat your broccoli, then you get dessert!”). If dessert is on the menu, let them enjoy it freely. This prevents obsession. If needed, I will ask, “Check in with how your belly is feeling. Is it starting to feel full?” This helps them tune into how their body is feeling.

Handling picky moments: If your child asks you to “pick things out” of their food, do not do it for them. Let them pick out what they do not want for themselves. This teaches food problem-solving skills. Serving them a casserole is a great way to expose them to that. And I will not purposely separate foods out on their plate.

Breastfeeding and solids: I love seeing families continue nursing and pumping, but it is important to know that if a two-year-old can nurse on demand, they may have little motivation to explore solid foods. If solids are not going well, it might be time to introduce a breastfeeding schedule. Remember, breastmilk alone does not provide enough nutrition to sustain toddlers at this stage. The more they fill up on milk, the less hungry and curious they will be about trying new foods. Finding a balance between nursing and offering solids is key to helping those tiny tastebuds grow and thrive.

Trust your child: Trust that they will eat when they are hungry, and trust them to know when they are full.

Conclusion: Tiny Steps, Big Wins

The good news is that with consistency and the right strategies, most picky eating is just a phase, not a lifelong struggle. The hard part? Celebrating the small wins quietly. When your little one finally takes a bite of that food or meal that you have offered twenty times, resist the urge to cheer. Avoid saying things like, “I knew you would like it!” or “Wow, you finished the whole plate!” or “My goodness, you sure were hungry!” Comments like these, even when well-meaning, can accidentally add pressure and disrupt the safe, low-stress environment you have worked so hard to build. Instead, stay calm and casual. Let mealtime conversations flow naturally without focusing on the food itself or how much was eaten.

Above all, remember: this process is meant to be fun. You are shaping a lifetime of positive experiences around food, from picking out vibrant produce at the store to cooking together in the kitchen to sharing colorful meals around the table. Eating healthy can be joyful, delicious, and a beautiful adventure for your family. Stay patient, stay playful, and trust the process. Big changes are made one tiny bite at a time. Every little taste, every small interaction is a step toward raising a confident, curious eater. Keep showing up. Keep offering the rainbow.

This is not just dinner. It is tactical training for a lifetime of healthy choices. You are leading the charge, and your little recruits are following suit. Dismissed!